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  • Writer's pictureMax Antonucci

The Return of Jokes! (The March 9th Edition)

After a brief hiatus (my dog died and I wasn't feeling too funny), Jokes! is back! Here are today's jokes:

-A new study shows 1 in 4 men think it's ok to make sexual jokes at work. In other news, the office where this study took place is now hiring.

-A New York Jet was arrested Thursday evening while trying to board a plane with a handgun, continuing their yearly tradition of not needing to be on a field to lose.

-With candidates dropping out faster than a pregnant teenager, the Presidential race is now down to three white men in their seventies. Instead of a debate, the Presidency will now be decided by a lengthy game of pinochle.

-SXSW has been canceled due to Coronavirus fears, leaving many concert goers wondering "will this LSD go bad?"

-A cousin of chlamydia has been discovered deep in the Arctic Ocean. Remember that the next time you think your family reunions are awkward.

- With Coronavirus fears intensifying, the most expensive bottle of alcohol is no longer an aged bottle of Cognac... it's an 8oz bottle of Purell.

-A McDonald's employee was arrested after smashing a coffee pot on the head of a customer following a dispute at the drive-thru. The victim was planning on suing until he realized there was a "caution: hot water" warning on the pot.

-Ted Cruz is imposing a “self-quarantine” after coming in to contact with an individual at CPAC who tested positive for the coronavirus. What are the chances that the one person who wants to shake his hand is diseased?

-Donald Trump says he’s not worried about contracting the coronavirus. Probably because he already has a lifetime supply of Sudafed in his office drawer.

-Joe Biden isn’t worried about contracting the virus because it cannot be transmitted through the act of sniffing a female colleague’s hair.

Tune in next week for more Jokes!

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