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  • Writer's pictureMax Antonucci

Jokes! We're Still Alive! (The March 24th Edition)

Welcome to another week of "Jokes!" I've been spending my quarantine time doing pushups, yoga, and hovering my forearms over an open flame (ya know... to toughen up). Anyways, here are this week's jokes:

- Woody Allen has finally released his controversial memoir. Surprisingly, it is not titled "Eight Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter."

-The New York Times is accusing Donald Trump of "lacking the attention span" to handle the Coronavirus pandemic. When asked for a comment, Trump responded "I'm sorry, what was the question?"

-A 20 year old US woman visiting Italy contracted the Coronavirus and said she experienced "deafness." Luckily for her, it was the day everyone was singing out of their windows.

-Apple is unveiling a new "Smart Keyboard," giving people around the world another way to ask "you up?"

-Airlines are looking for bailout money due to the lack of traveling during the pandemic. Banks have recommended airlines double their in-flight WiFi cost, to which the airlines replied "woah, we aren't asking for THAT much."

-A group of young adults in Kentucky threw a "Coronavirus party" leading to one of them contracting the disease. The most surprising part is that this story did not happen in Florida.

-Oprah is keeping her long-time partner, Stedman, quarantined in her guest house. He isn't sick, he just voiced his dislike for her last book recommendation.

-Working from home makes you more susceptible to hackers but it also makes you less susceptible to someone microwaving fish in the breakroom.

-Idris Elba is slamming a theory that celebs are cashing in on coronavirus. While defending himself from accusations, he blew his nose into a fifty dollar bill.

-The film "Pretty Woman" was released 30 years ago this week. Julia Roberts became known for playing "the hooker with a heart of gold" and Richard Gere became know for being "the guy with an asshole full of gerbils."

Tune in next week for more Jokes!

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