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  • Writer's pictureMax Antonucci

Jokes! The "We're All Going to Die" Edition (March 19th Edition)

Welcome to another edition of Jokes! If you're reading this, the 'Rona hasn't taken me or you out yet ::fist bump::. Here are this weeks jokes:

- Fiona Apple said she quit cocaine after an “excruciating night” with Quentin Tarantino. While she didn't provide more details, one can only imagine he was telling her the plot to "Death Proof".

- Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson were released from an Australian hospital after testing positive for Covid-19 last week. The couple spent their time in quarantine drinking plenty of fluids, playing Gin Rummy, and wondering how their youngest son became a white rapper.

- While the Coronavirus has struck fear throughout America, there is even scarier news coming out of California: Amanda Bynes is pregnant.

- Continuing the trend of giving the people what they didn't want, U2's Bono has written a song about the Coronavirus. The song was inspired by the Italians who were singing from their rooftops. After hearing the song, many of them jumped.

- Movie theaters are shutting down due to Covid-19 concerns. This is the second worst thing to happen to movie goers this year, after the release of "Cats."

- If there is one thing we can take away from this, it's that we all found out 3/4 of our Facebook friends are clearly licensed physicians.

- Planet Fitness will be offering free live streamed workouts. No word on if the "judgement free zone" still applies to your filthy apartment,

- Tom Brady is leaving the New England Patriots. This puts pressure on the New York Jets to figure out a new way to lose two games a year.

- The New York Stock Exchange is closing it's doors during the pandemic, leading many stockbrokers to find out how sad it is to do cocaine at home.

- To limit risks and possible death, many grocery stores are designating their early morning hours to elderly customers. Business as usual.

Tune in next week for more Jokes!

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