Jokes! The November 3rd Edition
Here are some jokes:
-- This month, "Friends" fans will be able to experience all of the series' Thanksgiving episodes in theaters. They are planning on titling it "The One That Kept Mid-Thirties Divorcees From Killing Themselves On Thanksgiving."
- Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino and his wife Lauren are celebrating their 1 year anniversary. Mike spent 8 of the last 12 months in prison for tax evasion, making it the easiest year of marriage anyone has experienced.
- As fires continue tear through the cities of California, authorities are reminding citizens "at least you'll never throw your back out shoveling snow."
- Kelly Clarkson announced a new Vegas residency Friday. Her show will be running from April through September, making it the only time Kelly Clarkson will run anywhere.
- Jane Fonda spent a night in jail after being arrested during a climate change protest. When asked how she was doing, she said "my 82-year-old bones hurt." No word on how her 3-year-old cheek implants were feeling.
- Trump was booed at two recent sporting events making all of us wonder: When did he join the New York Jets?
- Wind and rain dislodged a boat that was stuck above Niagara Falls for over 100 years. No word yet if there were any survivors aboard.
- Matthew McConaughey spent Friday preparing turkey dinners for firefighters in Los Angeles. Fire captains made sure McConaughey didn't come anywhere near the brownies being prepared for dessert.
- The new Terminator movie hits theaters this weekend. Critics and movie-goers alike agree: no one wanted this.
- The clocks turn back tonight, giving us all an extra hour to mindlessly scroll through Pornhub until we accidentally ejaculate between videos.
- Leonardo DiCaprio spent the weekend hanging out with teen activist Greta Thunberg. When Greta mentioned she needed a boat to travel to Madrid for another environmental summit, Leo offered his, which is already in use by teenage girls.
Tune in next week for more Jokes!