Jokes! The November 10th Edition
I've spent the week doing weird shit like visiting Spahn Ranch and enjoying the first full week after sober October (vaping weed hasn't taken down yours truly yet!). Here are some jokes:
- The Rockefeller Center Christmas tree arrived in New York City this weekend. The tree lighting ceremony will be taking place on December 4th. It will include live music, the Radio City Rockettes, and countless unhappy couples shouting at each other.
- The New York Jets and Giants face off this weekend. With the playoffs out of the question for both teams, they will be playing for bragging rights as " the second shittiest team in town."
- A home that was the site of one of the grisly "Manson Murders" was recently sold. The new owners will be able to enjoy a heated pool, scenic views of the Silver Lake hills, and sleeping with their eyes open.
- Mercury will be making a pass across the Sun on Monday. Scientists are reminding the public the best way to view it is to stare directly at the Sun without sunglasses.
- Arctic researchers are studying the effects of shrinking sea ice. This is not the study of shrinkage we've been hoping for.
- Bob Norris, the original "Marlboro Man," passed away at the age of 90. He leaves behind a wife, two children, and millions of unused Marlboro miles.
- Christian Bale says he's done getting fat for roles. He now will only get fat to spite his wife.
- Neil Young said his US citizenship was delayed due to his marijuana use. It turns out, it was delayed by the approvers marijuana use.
- Woody Allen and Amazon have finally reached a settlement in a breach of contract lawsuit the filmmaker pursued against the streaming giant. When asked how he’d spend the money, Allen said he was planning on taking his step daughter on a second honeymoon.
- Instagram is planning to hide likes on posts to prevent “popularity contests” from getting out of control. Instagram models are now planning a mass suicide at the Pink Wall.
- The highly anticipated video game “Death Stranding” was released this week. Players assume the identity of a man who has to deliver packages within a certain timeframe. For those who want to experience the game but can not afford it, Amazon is hiring for the holidays.
Tune in next week for more Jokes!