Jokes! The December 1st Edition
Welcome to another edition of Jokes! Here are this week's jokes:
- As millions of Americans are preparing to head back home after a Thanksgiving visit to their families, a major storm is hitting the Northeast, leaving many hopeful that they can finally win that argument with their uncle Mike.
- A Washington movie theater was evacuated after a package of “highly contagious” urine was sent to the wrong address. Los Angeles moviegoers, on the other hand, can’t remember the last time they went to a movie theater that wasn’t already soaked in highly contagious urine.
- A U.N. Chief opened climate talks with a warning: “The war against nature must stop!” Donald Trump responded by saying “we cannot fight another war until we win the war on Christmas.”
- A recent study showed a majority of Americans prefer to do their Black Friday shopping online, rather than in store. This proves once and for all that many Americans prefer to fist fight their loved ones, rather than a stranger.
- Prince Charles is demanding Prince Andrew to be “open and honest” about his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein. The recent infighting among the royal family is a welcome change from the inbreeding we are all accustomed to.
- The Rockettes have hired their first dancer with a visible disability. The dancer is missing her left hand, which is far less impressive than a missing left leg.
- A recent study showed that men who regularly smoke marijuana have an increased risk of developing testicular cancer. I checked myself four times while writing that.
- A Maine man was was shot to death after a handmade device on his front door went off. For all of us waiting for a Home Alone reboot, Christmas has come early.
- A new apple is being launched Sunday. Not to be confused with the Apple iPhone, the “Cosmic Crisp” apple lasts for more than a year.
- The FBI is warning the public that hackers are capable of accessing smart TVs and can access cameras and microphones on the devices. Far more embarrassing, they can see that you’ve been binge watching “The Bachelor.”